In the middle

I have to admit up front that I am pretty new to blogging. The knowing about, reading of and certainly the writing aspect. But all of my life I have had a lot to say and now, as an overly busy stay at home Mom, I find it all swirling around my own brain. Circling. Cluttering. Seeking resolution. You see... I am one of those people who process best when I can talk it out. Sometimes the very process of speaking it (now typing it) shows the strengths and weakness of what is rambling round up there.

On of the things that has been circling for several years now is the growing knowledge that my natural tendency is to be all or nothing. An extremist. Probably not in the way that most people would think of it - but an extremist never the less. You see, I either want to do it all (and perfectly) or I want to quit and do nothing at all. Those of you who live in the real world with me know that this is really not the best way to do life.

I like to think of myself as very competent, capable and effective. I am able to do a lot of things well. Because of this I find myself doing a lot of things. Family, friends, church, occasionally work, and often anything that someone asks me to tackle. But no one can do it all, or do things perfectly, for very long. Murphy is out there and eventually he, or exhaustion, or overbooking or just plain old "who you are" will cause you to drop one of the balls you have in the air. For myself, it is usually right as I see the ball slipping out of my reach that my opposite instinct wants to kick in.

Quit! Do nothing. It is too hard. Too much. It will never work out. It is someone else's job.

One of our family values is that 'Carlsons are not quitters'. However, deep inside, I know that I am a quitter. Sometimes my insides scream out for it. I can't do it.

And that is where I find truth. I can not do it.

That is also where I feel God challenging me to find some balance. To tackle and focus on what he has called me to do and to take a pass on the rest. To do the very best I can at all I do and realize that it is enough. Even when it is not perfect. That balls that drop can be picked back up and put into play.

To live my life in the middle.

Brian and I were able to go to an Alpha conference this last weekend and one of the speakers, Derek Rust, shared how his church is living life in the radical middle. I love the thought of that.

In the middle. Finding balance. But the radical middle! Feel free to check back in and see how I am doing. If you are feeling really brave - feel free to join me.